You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize