I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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