i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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