My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
