went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
