she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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