I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
