I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
