You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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