I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He shit in the fireplace
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
