my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
