Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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