I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
