I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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