You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You smell like a Billy Joel song
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
