i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
