What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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