I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
