The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
