bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
