I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
