So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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