He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
