Will you blow on my dice?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
