Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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