the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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