He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
