this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
