half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
