I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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