you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
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He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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