drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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