Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
