oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
