I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
