i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
