News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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