She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
