Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
