I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this will be a night to untag.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
