i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
