trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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