North Korea, Best Korea!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A bitchslap is in order.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
