I wish I could punch you in the face.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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