Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
