During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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