my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i think i just lost a toe
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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