According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i now understand why vodka
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
