We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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