There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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