shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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