My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
