i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize