cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
