If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You may now shotgun with the bride
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Randomize
