i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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