we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
