so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
