she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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