i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
