It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
