dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
