Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
