you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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