Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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