so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
