im six kinds of drunk right now
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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