Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
