I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
