We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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